Going off the road to care for loved ones
“We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the
last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” So come the heartrending words from former fulltimers. Their words are not isolated, as the older ones among us work their way down the road of life, many younger ones are being called in to care for their needs in their final days.
How do you cope with coming in from the road to care for loved ones?
Everyone’s situation is different. One of our mothers had been happily living in an assisted-living apartment. We kept regular phone contact with her when out of area, and made frequent visits when in the area. Then one day, we received a phone call from the facility management demanding we come and move Ruby for her, ‘Failure to cooperate with the staff.’ What we found was appalling: Rather than being deliberately stubborn, the poor woman had suffered an extreme response to a previously unknown brain tumor. We spent six weeks of back-and-forth driving until the inoperable tumor claimed her life.
For others, like the couple whose experience tops our story, have a much longer running scenario. For them, going off the road seemed their only choice. But do you give up your rig, move in with mom or dad? Buy or rent a house, take them in? Try and live in the RV all together?
RVers who’ve tried moving an ill relative into their rig have commented that it often doesn’t work. First off, the space is often just too close for three folks to live in peace. And if the health issue is one of a mental problem, dementia for example, taking your loved one out of their familiar territory may simply increase the symptoms that much more.
Several have commented that where possible, moving the RV onto the loved one’s property and continuing to live in the rig, with the loved one staying in their home, has proved a Godsend. While zoning and government regulations may cause a problem, sometimes local authorities have been known to grant temporary waivers to allow a caregiver to live in an RV where they might otherwise be prohibited.
Caring for an ailing loved one takes a physical, mental, and emotional toll. As difficult as it is to ‘let go,’ as a caregiver you need a break. In a story on caregiving in Awake! magazine, those in caregiving roles spoke up about their experiences. We found this comment to the point: Said Maria, “Periodically, I needed to be ‘let off the hook’ and to have someone else take over the care for a while.” Joan, who cares for her husband who has Alzheimer’s disease, is of the same opinion. “One of our greatest needs,” she notes, “is to have time off now and then.”
Where do you get the time off? Call on other relatives and friends. Just getting out of the situation for a few hours can relive the stress immeasurably. One RVing couple said they found the ability to take their rig to a nearby park for a weekend made their situation so much easier to cope with. It’s inexpensive, easy, and if you’re feeling the guilt that so many caregivers feel when taking time off, you’ll at least know you’ll be close at hand if you’re really needed.
Photo pamelaadam on flickr.com
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July 2nd, 2008 at 12:00 am
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
July 12th, 2008 at 8:44 am
It has been in jest, but beginning to become a possibility. I speak of caring for aging parents with we being the aging parents. Leave us in our motor home parked at one of our four children’s homes. When their “shift”, be it a week, a month, or six months, that child simply puts the key in the ignition and drives us to the next child who is to be on duty. As we age, we begin to require just the basics: bed, bath, and food. All can be accommodated in the motor home.
I realize there are other factors such as getting in and out of the rig, but that too could be accomplished. Has anyone else thought about this as a possible solution to expensive non-personal long-term care?
July 12th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Please visit the escapees website. They have a full care center AND respit care center in Livingston Texas. It allows RV caregivers to continue to live the RV live style.
I joined the Escapees RV Club just because they do so much for us RV’ers. I donate to the Care Center as well. A unique and wonderful place. My wife and I wished we had known sooner. One vist to this facility and you will be “hooked” so to speak, support their efforts!
Frans Andrea
Home is where you park it
July 12th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Mom’s failing health kept me mostly off the road for 3 years. She lived in a retirement complex. The local police were very accommodating about letting me park for extended periods on the street nearby so I shuttled back and forth between the street and the nearest Elks RV parking taking care of Mom and my pets who couldn’t be in her apartment.
Eventually I posted a notice on the complex’s bulletin boards for a part-time caregiver. I’d already researched getting one thru agencies and that just wasn’t in the budget. Because it’s a large complex, I got several responses and found a delightful gal who came in twice a week for 4 hours to bath Mom and stay with her so I could have a break. It really made life much easier and more pleasant for both of us (Mom was very mentally alert and upset about “interfering” in my life).
This was a great low-cost ($100/wk) alternative for me. If the idea appeals to you, find a senior complex nearby or any type of care center including the local hospital and ask if you can post a request for part-time help.
Sherry
FT on Safari
September 11th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
autism children…
I actually felt like it was a bit anticlimactic and I really wanted was to know how the stroke technically happened and how she recovered and came back. I wanted to know what we could learn in practical knowledge about preventing and recovering from br…
October 1st, 2008 at 6:54 pm
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
October 5th, 2008 at 11:53 am
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
October 5th, 2008 at 11:53 am
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
October 13th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
October 14th, 2008 at 4:41 am
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
October 18th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
[…] Going off the road to care for loved ones “We came to visit Mom last May and planned to stay only the summer then head south as we have for the last nine years. But after being her for a month or so it was clear that her Alzheimers had progressed to the point that we just couldn’t leave her on her own.” […] […]
November 18th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Retirement Assisted Living…
Thanks for this post!…